Addictions and the Meaning Behind Them
Addiction can be described as an Unhealthy or Negative habit Carried out by an individual on a regular basis. The regularity of that particular addiction depends on the affected individual. In Many cases, any Particular addiction can quickly become a compulsion. When it reaches the stage of a compulsion, It can feel very difficult to control.
Another definition of Addiction is a coping mechanism of a negative nature that helps bring the individual to a safe or happy place for a short time and helps mask the underlying issue that is affecting the individual. The individual will Repeat this addiction over and over until it reaches its compulsion stage as the underlying issue needs to be expressed. This underlying issue in Many instances is unknown or not fully understood by the individual.
Although the addiction or Compulsion may be negative in nature the unsuspecting Individual is being naturally brought to its Unknown cause by these negative activities. Everything in nature, known or unknown has its own inbuilt way to balance. Balance is the ultimate goal to all creation and when a part of that Creation becomes unbalanced, Nature will have its own way of getting back to balance. Negativity may seem a weird way of returning to balance but when nature or the individual no longer want to exist this way, the truth of the unbalance is revealed.
Types of Addictions
There is every type of addiction or Compulsion you could think off. Every one of them has an underlying Issue. There is unhappiness, Depression, Anxiety Tragic event, Guilt and so many more negative feelings attached to addictions & Compulsions. Some of the most common ones are Alcohol Addiction, Food addiction, Sex addiction, Gambling addiction, Work Addiction, Money addiction and the new kid on the block, Porn Addiction.
Some people may have issues with Just one of these and many will have many of these and even all of them. Some of you will have a mild addiction or addictions that you participate in weekly or Monthly. Some of you will have a daily Addiction or even hourly addiction. Everyone is different and may have Simple or Complex issues that need to be addressed.
Alcohol Addiction is probably the most common and can be the most difficult to treat. It usually involves a Social Setting, to begin with. It can start with someone feeling the need to have a drink to speak with a little more confidence. They can almost develop a new personality that is completely different from who they really are or don’t particularly like. Some may use alcohol to vent out aggression and become hostile. Some may use it to binge on for a while when things are not going the way they would like. Some use it as a mood inhibitor and find themselves so much worse after a night of heavy drinking. Some people may be lonely and simply want companionship and friendship and have chosen alcohol as their way to achieving this. I could go on and give you hundreds of examples and reasons why people develop alcohol addictions.
There is nothing wrong with going for a drink and letting down your hair once and awhile. We all need to enjoy ourselves but when we go for the wrong reasons an Unhealthy addiction can be the result. Coaching for alcohol addiction is very successful when the Individual wants a changed behavior. Changing is a gradual process. Coaching doesn’t necessarily mean having the individual cutting out alcohol out either. It can be a relearning of how to enjoy without destroying oneself in the process.
It is also true that some individuals have no choice but to completely stop as their life is at serious risk. In cases like this, I advise the client to seek a more medical and psychological avenue as hands-on help will be required for a successful outcome
Food addictions are also very common. People are either eating too much or too little. The comfort eater will munch away to make themselves feel better. It is a lack of self-love as many overeaters do not feel loved by others and have an unrealistic negative attitude towards themselves. The under eater feels somewhat the same but has a distaste verging on hate for themselves. They will punish themselves, Starve themselves, Deny themselves and sabotage themselves to make themselves feel better.
Food is necessary for life and Too Much or Too little is not being in balance. Balance is having a healthy idea of what self-love is and anyone with a food addiction needs to ask themselves. “How much do I love myself”. If the answer is negative then the answer to your addiction lies there and needs to be investigated. Love for the self is the lesson that all Souls with food addictions need to learn. Coaching for food addiction is very successful and focuses on building a Positive Relationship with the self along with healthy eating habits and exercise.
Sex addiction is probably one of the most difficult one of them all. There are lots of reasons for this but the main one in my view is the physical nature of it. It’s not about the food you eat or the drink you drink, It’s the Sexual being you are. Male or female it doesn’t matter. We are all born with sexual urges and learn sexual attitudes as we grow up. It is a part of Human nature and without it, we would not exist. It is a taboo subject that none of us really know what is enough and what is too much. How many times a day, a week, a month and so the questions keep getting asked.
It is difficult to determine when its an addiction and when it’s not. Some people will have relationships where sex has been a huge part of the relationship and then have one that its far less. Which one is right and which one is wrong ? My answer would be neither of the two as the person you are involved with is different and has different needs. I would say that the compatibility of two individuals in that area of Love & Sex would be the critical Factor.
Love & Sex are very much connected to one another but each one is very different. Sex can be an expression of Love for another but love is not an expression of Sex. There is an old saying and it seems to be very true in Today’s world. ” Women Give sex for love & Men give Love for sex ” . So what does that tell us? That the attentiveness a man gives determines if he is getting sex or not? Of course, there are other factors at play. Attractiveness, Strength, assertiveness, kindness and many more but it all comes down to nature in the end. The animals operate in a similar fashion. The male animal gets himself all puffed up to impress the female and hounds her with attention until she gives in eventually and Copulates. We, humans, are little more advanced obviously but also very similar in so many ways.
So we all have this instinct but the one thing that makes us different from the animal is our ability to Love. Loving oneself firstly and showing that love to another. The loving of oneself in a world like this can be extremely difficult and many of us will be left with a very poor opinion of themselves. This can result in a very poor opinion of others also. This negativity towards oneself and others will have a result of a somewhat distorted attitude towards sex. Sex will be seen as a way to show love and to also receive love. This idea of Sex can obviously be distorted in unimaginable ways with addictions and guilts added to it.
People with sex addiction can lead themselves down to a path of incredible perversion. This is inevitable as they desensitize themselves in their search for newer experiences to be desensitized again and again till the mind becomes warped and possibly involving themselves in even darkest activities. What started off as a little self-loathing can turn into guilt-ridden hatred of the self and even others with a complete breakdown of the meaning of Love. Most individuals will know their activities are becoming warped but their taste for more can overpower them resulting in a deeper hatred of the self along with addictive compulsive behavior almost on autopilot.
Obviously many do not reach that far and eventually realized that living in such a reality is not where they want to go, but there are some that will be Dragged to the bottom with Dire consequences. The sad thing is it starts with self-loathing and not knowing how to love the self. What makes it difficult also is the guilt attached to these activities that support their Idea of their own self-loathing. The individual needs only realize that they are not alone in feeling this way and that their feeling and activities affect quite a few of the unsuspected population. It is a more common problem than people realize but is an obvious heavily guarded secret by many.
The Most effected may think that they are unique to this experience and will never be understood if by either a coach , Therapist of any professional. They must know that It is a very common addiction and the sooner it is addressed the better. Coaching this addiction can be quite challenging for the individual but Removing any guilt and learning how to be more loving to oneself is a great way to begin.
Gambling is another very common addiction and one of the most deadly. You can be very wealthy one year and completely broke the next. The devastation of this addiction can be immeasurable. Many people like to have a bet on the lotto or horses, dogs, casinos etc at one time or another. Some bring it to a point of addiction or compulsion. The gambler can be described as ego driven and very clever. They are a unique bunch and love the thrill of the win. Many will not worry about the amount of money they will win or lose. Its the chase after the lost money or the exhilaration of the big win that drives them. Gamblers are lone creatures. They do not like to be disturbed too much and need their space to Indulge in their fantasy.
Their home life was usually not good from the beginning and their gambling is an escape from their perceived bad atmosphere… A feeling of safety is established and they long to escape the responsibilities of their unhappy life. They are usually very hard-working or have been hard working but got very little for their efforts in thanks or love or acknowledgment. They are usually very bitter about the past and unfair events that have affected their progress. They have a genuine belief that they will make it big someday and seek an easier way to achieve this.
They will delude themselves into thinking that they can work out a way to beat the system and achieve notoriety and success. They are deeply depressed about their current situation and are paranoid that the whole world is against them for whatever reason. They will win sometimes but they will never seem happy. They will spend it quickly and on things of no importance. Usually drinking in a somber celebration and will gladly buy everyone a drink to rid oneself from the winfall. You see the gambler fears success and being successful is not part of the plan deep down. So long as he of she keeps loosing they are in chaos and all is the way it should be. They will create unbelievable stories of unfairness and be the victim of them all. They will lie like no other and can convince the pope himself. In fact, he may even convince the pope to give him a few quid as an acknowledgment of the hardship. Bills will go unpaid and an expert excuse for each one will be carefully crafted to make the gambler the victim and continue with the lie.
This is just a brief description of what a gambler may do. Some may not be as severe as that but many will go much deeper into the pits of this addiction than you can ever imagine. They set out to sabotage their entire life without even realizing. Again Self loathing is the main issue and deep analysis in many areas needs to be explored to find a solution. Coaching can be extremely successful once they can figure out why they are doing this. These individuals are extremely intelligent, Manipulative, verging on the ability to mind read and telling stories that only a best selling author could make up. If Coached successfully these individuals have the ability to do almost anything they wish. Serious self-confidence is a major factor along with talents that were not fully understood in earlier years. I like to call them the sleeping entrepreneurs.
Money & Wealth Addiction
These two are quite related and are usually based on Self Worth ” What you are worth ? ” is a very popular term. It’s a bit like the term ” So what do you do ?”. Many of us like to give a good account of ourselves and let others know that we are doing very well, whether we are or not. When the Ego feels threatened it goes into protective mode usually. That protective mode can absolutely go to all types of extremes to protect that Idea of what we think about ourselves. People can work themselves to death to feel secure, Fear of not having enough, Greed, ambition, and the list goes on. Again it depends on the individual and certain circumstances.
Money and Wealth can mean totally different things to certain individuals. Some see wealth as having a million, A billion, A big house, etc. Some see it as being happy and healthy, doing what they love to do. There are so many perceptions around wealth and the formulas to achieve this.
“Money can’t buy you love” is another popular phrase, with so many doing exactly just that. ” Trying to buy love with money”. I suspect that these individuals have no idea what love is and need to go to the extremes to prove themselves right. The truth is that love is free and it will always be. You can’t make someone love you. It doesn’t work that way. Can you get lucky and find someone who loves you for the person you are and not the money? Certainly, but it’s very rare in my opinion. You can buy all the houses and boats in the world but not one of those items will ever throw their arms around you and tell you they love you. The lack of love for oneself and the ability to love another is the motivation behind the addiction of Wealth. The addiction to sex is also a big part of this picture. I think the previous term I mentioned ” Women give sex for love & Men give love for sex ” Was actually invented by the unsuspecting wealthy. That term fits in lovely with this obvious confusion of what real love is.
There is nothing wrong with having wealth by the way. You can be very wealthy doing what you love to do and still manage to have a loving relationship. The addiction I am talking about is the obsession with money and how to get it no matter the cost. We don’t have to look that far to see what’s going on all around the world in regards to corruption fueled by Money and greed. I don’t have to explain the consequences of this addiction either. Money and wealth is the root of all evil is an incorrect statement. This corrupt definition has to be around thousands of years. “The addiction or obsession of money is the root of all evil”, I would say. When those two negative habits are brought in being, you have a whole new look at the circumstances surrounding this. In brief, you are talking greed and greed will lead you to unspeakable Evil. It’s a temptation we all have within us and a weakness that seems to be easily manipulated in our time of need or Greed.
I left this one for the very end as I believe it to be the vilest and most corrupt of all addictions. Porn is available everywhere and with everyone on the planet having access to the internet this one has the most reach. Porn is never going to go away as long as humans are curious about Sex. Well, thats never going to happen. Before the internet, you had books and magazines where you had to physically go in and buy one or borrow it off someone else. Now it’s readily available online and for free everywhere. Porn has expanded in an unbelievable way with children having open access to it. Yes, we have filters for such websites but with the introduction of the mobile, this is proving to be impossible to filter it all. This is only the tip of the iceberg that is to come.
People are finding themselves seriously addicted to porn. It’s not a particular type of person, Its everyone from all walks of life. We have therapists telling us that is perfectly ok to look at porn or have fantasies. Of course, they will tell us that too much is not good but we are human and there is never enough when it comes to curiosity. This especially applies to children. The more they see the more they want to see and down the rabbit hole, they go.
The trouble with all this is Curiosity along with desensitization. This means that if you look at anything long enough it seems normal after a while and the Shock or thrill it once had diminishes soon after. So what happens? The curious individual gets bored at the same old thing and searches for something else that has the same shock and thrill that was felt before. Now I don’t need to explain anymore but this Curious behavior is now fast becoming an addiction of sorts. The need to satisfy sexual curiosity and find a similar sexual effect is the new obsession.
This is not a good path to go down but it’s all too easy and many are going down this path not caring for it catastrophic effects. The many effects are so many, I don’t even know where to begin with this. I suppose Guilt would be the very first feeling you would be having as you have observed material and got off on it to put it politely. As you begin to delve in further you become obviously more guilty but that hidden obsession you have can quickly turn into a serious problem.
You delude yourself to thinking sure it only natural, what’s the harm, sure I’m only human, It’s a bit of fun, Everyone is doing it, The therapists say it’s natural and its good for you to express yourself, to experiment and be free from all inhibitions. This is not a healthy habit guys, no matter how much you convince yourselves. It’s the furthest away possible to have any self-respect for yourself or others and especially the opposite sex…
Curiosity is one thing from time to time but the Constant search over and over and over again for some Sexual thrill will leave you empty of any worthwhile relationship. Your expectations of what you think a relationship is will be totally corrupted by watching this material in an addictive nature. I suspect that many of you who are reading this will already know deep down that what I am saying is very true and that your addiction to porn has already impacted you. Many with addiction already know the impact their addiction has very well but their addiction and now compulsion has taken over. They may feel that they are no longer in control anymore and are just carrying on miserably.
I have had clients with major problems around this and this problem is increasing at an unbelievable rate. This one goes further than Sex addiction. Yes, they are similar in many ways but this one has branches to it all of its own. I will prepare a very small list of some problems that can occur and quite quickly as a result. Otherwise, I would have to write a book on this subject. I will probably have to as some stage as I see this as a major problem for society in the future and many do not realize how it is affecting their entire life and their Children’s lives in the future. here we Go.
Children and Adolescents ( Male & Female )
- Negative attitudes and expectations of the Male and Female body
- Negative ideas about the sexuality of the Male and Female body
- Serious guilt and ongoing Guilt of active Sexual activity
- Damaged ideas of Sexual boundaries
- Negative body Judgment based on constant observation of porn actors.
- Inability to show feelings based on Sexual attitude learned on porn.
- Sex addiction, Masturbation & Numerous partners or both
- Alcohol Addiction. Binge Drinking
- Unsocial at home ( promiscuous in School )
- No interest in Study or School.
- Laziness, Depressed. Tired all the time.
- Mood swings
- Panic attacks
Adults ( Male & Female )
- Unrealistic expectations on the first date
- Unrealistic expectations of Bodily Appearance ( Seeks a Perfect Model )
- Masturbation addiction, Sex addiction ( One or both )
- Premature ejaculation, Impotence ( One or both )
- Distant, No interested, Sometimes cruel
- Mood swings
- Alcohol Addiction and maybe a few more
- Aggressive behavior
- Lack of Interest in a partner ( Sexually or Personally or both )
- Critical of Partner’s appearance
- Develop a hatred for a man or women or Both.
- Unusual Sexual Fantasies
- Hidden obsession with Sex
These are just a few. There are numerous more and I left out the more serious ones. The thing about this addiction is the individual can be perfectly in tune with themselves and may not have a self-loathing, to begin with. That’s what makes this one so slippery in my opinion. It doesn’t take long before the guilt kicks in and the self-loathing takes place. Coaching for such an addiction can take some time but once the affected individual recognizes his or her problem then Coaching can commence. Releasing any guilt is a critical part of this and also recognising that addiction to this is causing much harm at so many levels. You cant stop an individual from being sexual, It’s part of who they are. You can, however, encourage them to be sexual the way they were meant to be and share that experience with another and not to a computer screen. It’s all sounds pretty much straightforward but in today’s world, It’s more complicated that one may think.
Some fairly serious stuff discussed on this post. By now you will probably see some similarities in why people develop addictions and compulsions. I mention self-loathing and the lack of self-love quite a lot. As many will realize the love of the self is vital to the overall balance of any individual. This is usually instilled as a child and supposed to be strengthened into adulthood. As many of us are aware this does not happen for a whole range of reasons.
If we all had perfect parents or guardians then we wouldn’t have a problem. The thing is those same parents and guardians, would have to grow up and be taught the meaning of self-love also in a perfect world. We don’t live in a perfect world and the majority of us get caught up in a cycle of self-loathing that is passed on over generations along with the same addictions, Compulsions, and many other issues as a coping mechanism. Parents and Guardians who have not been raised in a loving environment find it almost impossible to understand where they might have gone wrong with their own Children. In their eyes, there were simply doing what they were taught to do and do not know any other way. Any other way is foreign to them and they will remain steadfast in their own conclusions. Those conclusions can be the very thing that prevents their loved omes from moving forward.
This can be very difficult for someone who wants to feel loved and cannot from the people that should be giving that love they need. In the end, the individual needs to understand that you can’t force anyone to change. Each needs to want to or realize this for themselves. There is a sadness, knowing that someone will not change, Especially a Parent or Guardian. In cases like this, the focus needs to be on you the individual and what you need to build your self-love and heal. Learning to love yourself will bring you to an understanding and not react to any confrontation and past issues being regurgitated to you. Those regurgitations were never real and are just a series of Repeated patterns that have been passed down through the generations.
You no longer want these patterns to be absorbed by your emotions to them. They have affected you in a negative way in the past are now not relevant to you in any way. You are a unique Soul. There is no one on the planet like you at this time and will never be. You have the right or deny or accept whatever you choose. You are not tied to anybody. You are free to do, to say, to love the way you choose and no one can take that away. You are the only one that can deny yourself of happiness and love now. It is true that you may not have had the chance when you were young but you have now. Knowing all you know now, Makes you powerful and loving. You can also forgive as others have not chosen to think and love for themselves. They got caught up in all the madness of life and brought their pain with them and demonstrated that pain on you in some way.
You didn’t know this at that time but now you do and you don’t want this anymore. You want to free from it so you can live the way you were meant to live. You were meant to love yourself so you could become yourself fully. By you loving yourself you can finally do all the things that you came here to do. As you learn to love yourself more, Your true purpose will reveal itself to you. Your true purpose comes when you become balanced. When you like living in your own skin. when you see the love in yourself and others. When you see the lack of love in others but you love all the same.
They are simply figuring things out for themselves As you had too. They have their own path as you do. Let them live it in their own way and you live yours. Everything’s the way it should be. Everyone is living and learning in their own way. Some will take their time and others will realize quicker like you. Those who are like you will recognize this in you and will strengthen that within you as you will strengthen them. Move on into a new way to live and love. This is the path for you. It’s what you have been looking for all this time. You are ready now, you have asked and it is here. All you have to do is follow and all will be revealed in its own good time.
The above passage my seem unrelated to the coaching of addictions but it is not. It is a simple passage telling you what’s most important. When you realize this then addiction will never be a problem. Addictions are just negative ways of dealing with life. They happen when you are in a place of unrest and unhappiness. They happen when you become unbalanced and are, your way at that time, to figure out what’s wrong. They can be very negative in nature but if you can see why you choose that negative behavior, behind it, lies the answer to your unhappiness. You are a piece of nature and nature will always try to find balance whether you are are aware of it or not. It has no desire to harm you but simply wants to return to its most natural state. That natural state is living in harmony within yourself and being an integral part of the entire creative process.
I hope this post finds someone that needs it and that it makes a little sense for them. Words have a way of finding its way to the people that are looking for answers. Again this is natures way of finding balance where ever it is. It’s everywhere to be found. Trust in your own nature and it will lead you to all the answers that you are looking for.